| Blonde Jokes |
| The Genie
Three blonds were walking down the street and they found a genie's bottle. They rubbed it....the genie popped out....and granted them each one wish. The first blond says "i want my iq raised 20 points" POOF! she turns into a brunette....The second blond thinks to herself....that's really drastic. "Ok...I want my iq raised 10 points...." POOF! she turns into a redhead. The third blond is standing there......and she REALLY likes her blond hair....and doesn't like what happened to the other two girls. so she says "I want my iq lowered 20 points..." and POOF! She turns into a man!! |
| Smart Blondes
We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side. We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff. Sined by the blonds at the ofise |
| The Kidnapping
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the North side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?" |
| The Horseback Ride
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip,she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become intangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when........scroll down........the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off. |
| Don't Get Caught
Three chicks all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they'd be right behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy happy happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house. The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them. "NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!" |
| A Puzzle
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table. sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high- five's, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us, So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!" |
| She Was So Blonde that...
1. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said concentrate. 2. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. 3. She told me to meet her at the corner of WALK & DON'T WALK. 4. She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. 5. She thought a quarterback was a refund. 6. If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you would get change back. 7. They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. 8. Under education on her job application, she put Hooked on Phonics. 9. She tripped over a cordless phone. 10. At the bottom of the application where it says sign here...she put Sagittarius. 11. It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes. 12. If she spoke her mind, she would have nothing to say. 13. She studied for a blood test & failed. 14. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. 15. She sold the car for gas money. 16. When she saw the NC17 (under 17 not admitted), she went home & got 16 friends. 17. She heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, so she moved. 18. She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Phone Company. 19. When she was on the highway going to the airport & saw a sign that said Airport Left, she turned around & went home. |
Blonde Quickies
| 1. why dont blondes eat pickles? | because they keep getting their head stuck in the jar |
| 2. why do blondes wear underware? | to keep their ankles warm |
| 3. why dont blondes like to make kool-aid? | they cant put 8 quarts of water in that little packet |
| 4. what do blondes and cow pies have in common? | the older they get the easier they are to pick up |
| 5. why do blondes like tilt steering? | more head room |
| 6. how does a blonde turn on the light after sex? | she opens the car door |
| 7. what do blondes and turtles have in common? | once they're on their backs, they're screwed |
| 8. what is the mating call of a blonde? | oh my god, i'm so drunk |
| 9. what is the mating call of a brunette? | is that damn blonde gone yet |
| 10.why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink? | thats where you wash vegetables |
| 11.why does a blonde have T G I F on her shoes? | toes go in first |
| 12.what does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common? | they both have black boxes |
| 13.what do brunettes and beer bottles have in common? | they're both empty from the neck up |
| 14.what do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? | pull the pin and throw it back |
| 15.how do you give a blonde a brain transplant? | blow in her ear |
| 16.what do you call a zit on a blondes butt? | a brain tumor |
| 17.how do you get a blondes eyes to sparkle? | shine a flashlight in her eyes |
| 18.how do you kill a blonde? | put spikes on her shoulder pads |
| 19.whats the advantage to being married to a blonde? | you can park in the handicap zone |
| 20.what does a blonde do first thing in the morning? | she goes home |
| 21. why do blondes have fur on the hem of her dress? | to keep her neck warm |
| 22. how do you make a blonde laugh on monday? | tell her a joke on Friday |
| 23. what do you call a brunette between two blondes? | an interpreter |
| 24. if a blonde and a brunette
jump off a building at the same
time, who would land first? |
the brunette....the blonde would have to stop and ask directions |
| 25. whats the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? | you can put three fingers in a bowling ball |
| 26. how can you tell if a blonde has been using you computer? | by the white out on the screen |
| 27. why did the blonde think her typwritter was pregnant? | it skipped a period |
| 28.why did the blonde have square boobs? | she forgot to take the kleenex out of the box |